22 August 2023

HUNGER’s guide to dressing for the imminent alien invasion

From extraterrestrial eyewear, to larger-than life boots – these pieces are sure to impress those from outer space.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll know that aliens are among us (apparently). According to a hearing held by US Congress, alien crafts have even crashed on Earth, and humans have recovered their “non-human biological pilots”, who are presumably held somewhere safe like Area 51. 

These claims should be pretty Earth-shattering, marking the first confirmation of intelligent life beyond our planet. To nobody’s surprise, though, the revelations are far from conclusive. But that doesn’t mean we can’t dream, and if we already have alien specimens locked away, surely it’s only a matter of time before their extraterrestrial buddies come snooping around. And in that case, we’ll have to make ourselves as relatable to the little green fellas as possible. How do we do that? Through fashion, of course.

When it comes to footwear, there’s really only one pair of boots on the market that would make an alien’s jaw drop (if they even have those). If you haven’t guessed already, we’re talking about MSCHF’s massive boots that could actually be spotted from another galaxy. Which iteration, you ask? Well, the original red is already played out, and we don’t want to look out of touch in front of our interplanetary guests, so it’ll have to be the latest jumbo Crocs collab. 

There’s only one pair of trousers that could possibly shock a being from millions of light years away, and that’s HARRI’s inflatable latex trousers, popularised by Sam Smith. The larger-than-life piece even arrives in a bright yellow hue, so you can match them with the MSCHF Crocs accordingly.

Moving onto the upper body, what better option other than Liminal Work Shop’s Keyboard Jacket? You know, the jacket that is literally covered in keyboard keys? Not only will the aliens be utterly impressed by our impeccable taste, but maybe they’ll be able to pick up some of the English language after a few glances. Well, assuming they don’t know it already.

We’re trying to give our best impression possible, so we’re going to need some eyewear to really round things off – which is exactly where Gentle Monster’s collab with THUG CLUB comes in. After taking one look at these slick shades, you’d be forgiven for thinking they arrived on Earth after falling from an alien spacecraft. Perhaps that’s why aliens have an obsession with us; they’re just trying to relocate their favourite pair of sunnies. Anyway, with these sunglasses on, we wouldn’t be surprised if you could impersonate an ET and sneak onto the mothership itself.

While the image of all those pieces morphed together into one fit like some fashion Frankenstein may be terrifying, we’re sure it’d be a much more memorable first impression for our friends from space than just jeans and a nice top. And at the end of the day, if they’ve made an effort to come all this way, we really should dress to impress and take in their aesthetic. Either that, or they’ll be incredibly freaked out and leave us alone for good.

  • Writer Chris Saunders
  • Banner Image Credit unsplash

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