Wondering WTF is going on with Brexit? Let us break it down for you
“Where there is a will, there is a #deal – we have one!” wrote European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker, taking to Twitter at 2.34am on Thursday. In content, form and heady optimism his announcement bore an uncanny similarity to the kind of drunk text you might send to your ex, but sadly there was no “I want EU back” in sight. Member states have given the go-ahead to Boris Johnson’s “new” Brexit deal and we may be out of the union by 1 November. (Is making us say goodbye to the single market on gay Christmas a hate crime? This queer votes yes.)
Ultimately, it’s unsurprising that the EU okayed Boris’s deal: it’s uncannily similar to the one Ms “Fields-of-Wheat“ May unsuccessfully tried to get through Parliament three times. The 141 clauses of the exit agreement are pretty much the same – bar some manoeuvring re the Irish Backstop and the removal of clauses suggesting a possible alignment with custom union rules and those promising to keep the EU-UK relationship “as close as possible.”
The next hurdle to avoid a no deal – which would lead to a hike in food prices, medicine shortages and uncertainty for EU nationals in the UK – is to pass this deal in the House of Commons. This might prove too much of a challenge for Boris, particularly given that the DUP (the Tories’ partners in crimes against humanity) have gone on record to say that “no amount of money can persuade us to back your Brexit deal.”
With a parliamentary vote on Saturday (19 October), Johnson is currently lovebombing Labour MPs, Brexit extremists and all the Conservative MPs he sacked in an attempt to gather some consensus around his deal. Alarmingly, hardline Brexiteers like John Baron MP have indicated they may back the deal because, beyond the integrated transition period, it allows scope for a “no deal” scenario – yikes!
Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has stated that he cannot support the new agreement, but members of his party are rebelling to indicate that they will vote in favour of Boris’s deal. Out of the smaller parties, SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon and the Liberal Democrat’s Jo Swinson have both stated that the new deal is worse than the original – an opinion echoed by Jaguar Land Rover and the Confederation of British Industry in the Guardian. Over on the continent, German Chancellor Merkel has stated that a Brexit extension would be “unavoidable” if Boris cannot gather enough support on Saturday.
If you’re confused, don’t be ashamed – so is everybody else. Only on Saturday, after the vote, will things begin to come into focus. Until then, let’s all cross our fingers for a People’s Vote.